The Mother of All Bubble BusinessesTuesday, August 10, 2010
I reported on a foolish new bubble-driven, infantile fad yesterday – the yogurt taps for adults. Today I have seen the worst case, ever, of a bubble-driven, adolescent, mindless fixation as reported this past weekend in the New York Times (hat tip goes to Lew Rockwell for this one). This particular new business, in Times Square nonetheless, is so beyond belief, and so surreal, I wondered if I had overdosed on inhalation sedation at the dentist last week.
Folks, welcome to Pop Tarts World in Times Square. At Pop Tarts World – a 3,200 square foot shop, if you can believe that – you can have your pick from over 30 snacks and desserts. From the story:
The menu includes the Fluffer Butter, marshmallow spread sandwiched between two Pop-Tarts frosted fudge pastries; the Sticky Cinna Munchies, cinnamon rolls topped with cream-cheese icing and chunks of Pop-Tarts cinnamon-roll variety; and Ants on a Log?, which is celery, peanut butter and chunks of the Wild Grape version.
Or you can get the grown-up treat, Pop Tarts Sushi, which is three varieties of Pop Tars minced and wrapped in a fruit roll-up. Also, you can build “your own Pop-Tarts, starting with a basic pastry and asking servers to add frosting, toppings (coconut, sprinkles) and drizzle (caramel, raspberry).” Or you can skip over to the Pop Tarts vending machine with a lollipop in your mouth and choose from among many different items and assemble your own variety pack. Now here comes the real grown-up stuff:
The store will put on a brief light show every hour. First, visitors will “get frosted,” Mr. Schoessel said, with a red light and a white light. That will be followed by brief pulses of light, “all different colors to mimic the sprinkles,” he said, “then another really bright light” to evoke wrapping the tarts in foil.
A light show for adults, making them “feel” like a Pop-Tart being sprinkled and wrapped? And anyone over 12, with a brain, desires to experience this puerile event and, as such, will have something valuable to gain from it?
By now, you’ve checked my link to the story and you know I am not making this up, right? If you are still not convinced this is real, pop on over to www.poptartsworld.com where you can play Pop Tarts video games and design your own Pop-Tart t-shirt. Lastly, the 50-foot storefront is being wrapped in Pop-Tart branding (foil wrapper?) and there will be a 6-story billboard above the store.
This would be hilarious if it weren’t so crazed, perverted, and tragic. The future of the human race is fucked.