Sauteed Raccoon’s Funnel Cake Ass on a Cheesecake Caramel Deep-Fried Stick
Wednesday, January 6, 2010What in the heck am I talking about? Well, y’all know my penchant for making fun of the crap food that people eat that makes them fat, sick, old, obese, diabetic, inflamed, tired, lazy, soft, and ugly. Truly, I bash this stuff because I take life and health very seriously, I eat a paleolithic diet, and I remain firm in my belief that we control almost every aspect of our health through diet/nutrition and caring for our bodies through proper physical maintenance.
Rewind back to this post of a great George Carlin bit about “Sauteed Raccoon’s Asshole on a Stick.” Carlin bashes the modern American eating the modern American diet that has Americans sucking down everything from Big Gulps bigger than their brains to rot on a stick deep friend in onion guts. Carlin: “Americans will eat anything, anything, anything.” (See my piece, “Boobus Americanus FoodHabitus Infantilus.”)
Lauren on Facebook sent me this post – about a gal who thinks she is saving the local economy by eating a 12,000 lb., Big Gulp burger at a ‘local’ dining establishment. What are those deep-fried (what else?) things on her plate next to the Big Gulp Burger?
So where am I going with this? There’s a little more fun at hand. I passed a Burger King the other day, and right there on the sign out front this message was plastered: “New at Burger King – Funnel Cake on a Stick.” Was George Carlin prescient, or what? I am not joking about that; here is the link.
These things have 85 IQ written all over them. Imagine putting that deep-fried bilge into your inner pipes? Last night on Jay Leno, there was some Chef on the show making deep-friend Oreos. A couple of days ago, I got a some coupons in the mail for Del Taco. A big ad on the front of the flyer read, “New: Caramel Cheesecake Bites.” Deep-fried (what else?) caramel cheesecake bites? Here is a link to the product.
The ad says “Delicious cheesecake dripping with caramel, fried for a warm, melting, sweet indulgence.” Somewhere, some marketing department asshole got the bright idea that stupid, fat Americans with big, jiggly thighs would gladly eat fake cheesecake mixed with fake caramel deep fried in a greasy heart attack vat. Are you sick yet?
Remember Hardee’s half-pound, $6 burger? Check out the sodium and carbs.
Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 1 serving (412.0 g)
Calories 1060
Calories from Fat 648
Total Fat 72.0g
Saturated Fat 30.0g
Cholesterol 150mg
Sodium 1860mg
Total Carbohydrates 60.0g
Dietary Fiber 3.0
Sugars 18.0g
Protein 40.0g
Are you throwing up yet?
cousin lucky says:
January 6th, 2010 at 11:34 pm
Ms De Coster, luckily I ate before sitting in front of my computer to read this article. If I had of read it before I ate I, No Doubt About it, would have never fixed myself anything to eat.
This article of yours should be attached to the doors of every fast food establishment in America!! You Betcha!!!
clark says:
January 7th, 2010 at 9:55 am
“…This article of yours should be attached to the doors of every fast food establishment in America!!…” – What? No way, there’s no room left next to the Nationalist/Socialist state no smoking signs and other regulations posted – anyway.
There’s nothing wrong with any single, fried high-fat item listed. Eat one or a a few and you’ll be just fine… it’s the eating of dozens for days and weeks on end that eating them is not good for a person.
No time to say more…
liberranter says:
January 7th, 2010 at 11:25 am
Raccoon’s asshole, being a “wild game” food, is probably good for you.
I’m rapidly coming to the conclusion (admittedly without seeing any substantive proof to back it up) that much of the blame for our society’s diet-related health problems, in addition to our unhealthy eating habits, is linked to the genetically modified foods that we’re being force fed, especially staples such as grains and meats that have been modified and laced with God-only-knows what kind of hormones and chemical additives. If there have been any long-term studies done on this subject, I’d be happy to research them and modify position accordingly if necessary, but I HAVE to believe that our bodies simply cannot metabolize this garbage as efficiently as they can organic/natural foods. I also cannot believe that it’s coincidence that the rise in obesity rates has occurred pretty much in parallel with the prevalence of genetically and chemically modified foods in the marketplace. Color me a conspiracy nut, but if it quacks like a duck…
Bob Wallace says:
January 7th, 2010 at 11:26 am
I live on cigars, distilled water and pure grain alcohol.
John and Dagny Galt says:
January 7th, 2010 at 11:50 am
Recently, while undergoing the forced torture of being strapped down in front of the Oprah show…she had some overweight females on the show. None of them accepted or voiced total personal responsibility for their overweight condition and total ownership of their own bodies. Not the twelve year old that weighed 247 pounds, nor the three older female eating buddies that clocked in together at over a thousand pounds. Each and every one blamed something or someone else for their extra love.
Then there is this report titled Food Stamps For Fat People:
http://www.strike-the-root.com/node/25676
But hey, you can always find love at:
http://fatpeopleneedlovetoo.xanga.com/
Sincerely Starving The Monkeys!
John and Dagny Galt
Atlas Shrugged, Owners Manual For The Universe!(tm)
.
Mike says:
January 7th, 2010 at 12:01 pm
Hey,
Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Also, as far as living longer, that’s a bit selfish. If people would die a bit younger, they could have a great positive effect on the federal budget deficit with regard to social security spending.
Timothy says:
January 7th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
When I was about nine years old, we went to the fair and I had a tiny bite of funnel cake for the first time. It tasted amazing! In my youthful exuberance, I insisted on buying not one, but two complete funnel cakes to take home.
I spent the return trip in the van balancing the things on my lap, and the rancid grease fumes began to saturate my hair and clothing. What seemed at first a tasty treat quickly became two stinking, deep-fried albatrosses around my neck. For two memorable hours, white-knuckled, I struggled heroically not to vomit as the van bounced queasily. Even today, a mere whiff of funnel cake, or any fried pastry, makes me ill. That little Burger King tidbit brought it all burbling back up for me.
Oh, and my favorite part about the Hardee’s burger:
“Dietary Fiber 3.0″
Make a meal of those for a week and you can sell your toilet; you won’t be needing it anymore.
Karen De Coster says:
January 7th, 2010 at 8:37 pm
Liberranter, science has shown this over and over again. See the movie “The Future of Food.” The best – period – on this topic. Watch it for free at: http://www.hulu.com/watch/67878/the-future-of-food. You will love it.
Bruce says:
January 7th, 2010 at 10:06 pm
I just love the writing soooo much. Forget the GM food angle. When the stuff hits the stomach, the hydrochloric acid dissolves it into proto-biotic goop with no chemical resemblance to the original. Its just food molecules. They could come from chopped wallpaper–your body doesn’t care. The same process renders glucosamine and chondritin into non-medical food components, thus no medicinal value. And so on with a bunch of the organic and natural remedies.
liberranter says:
January 8th, 2010 at 12:13 am
Thanks, Karen. I’ll be sure to check it out.
Shannon says:
January 8th, 2010 at 9:38 am
I agree with liberranter on the whole GMO issue. So much of our food is fake wanna-be cuisine. So much of it requires little if no preparation and is microwaveable-which also alters the food. I recall reading an article about this chef who offered cooking classes in NYC, and there were students who used their stoves to store clothes in-I kid you not. People don’t want to spend the extra 10 minutes it may take to wash, peel, chop food and prepare it from scratch. It is interesting to see how people years ago never did aerobics or joined gyms, but were more fit because of food quality/portions and engaging in more activity besides sitting in front of the TV or computer.
M. Terry says:
January 8th, 2010 at 2:31 pm
Pretty sad indictment of American food, as well as the consumers.
I recently had to fix a stair rail in a rental which was totally annihilated by a teenage gir who probably weighs about twice what I weigh, and I’m an over 6′ tall male pushing 13 and a half stone.
The railing was hardwood, and the hardware as commercial stair rail hardware, which was sheared, the hardwood rail shattered.
The rail was of good enough quality that a reasonable sheleighly could of been constructed of the same material.
The girl came home from school and devoured a container of Mac & Cheese that a family of 10 couldn’t have eaten, washed down with a 32 oz bottle of Coke.
Wonder why she has a weight problem? Pretty sad.
Reminds me of a woman whose husband said had a “glandular” problem causing her obesity. Saw her walking out of a Dairy Queen with two banana splits. I’ve never known anyone who could eat even one of those things before becoming totally grossed out. Again, pretty sad.
Austin says:
January 9th, 2010 at 10:34 pm
Speaking of jiggling thighs, at Costco today, I saw a morbidly obese man with one wheel of his moto-cart in the grave, and the other on a banana peel. He was staring at the live processed food infomercial, completely mesmerized. Each of his thighs must have been larger than the size of my waist. De-evolution is real.
Old Rebel says:
January 11th, 2010 at 6:50 pm
We’re going to have a tough time reclaiming our freedom if we all get as out of shape as the cocooned, overly-pampered humans in Wall-E. Being fit is the first step toward being free.