Dessert is BreakfastTuesday, September 14, 2010
I am always perplexed at how people are so content to keep up a pattern of distorting words and definitions without a flinch.
I had a surreal conversation recently, after flipping through the website of a Bed & Breakfast proprietor that was quite the piece of work. I placed a call to inquire about reservations at the Old World Inn Bed & Breakfast in Napa, California. I had looked at the description of the B&B’s food menu online and I needed to ask some questions about the overall menu. After all, being in Napa for a few days would demand that I look and feel my absolute best, and that means sticking to my real food diet within my 80/20 rule while staying in California. I don’t want to spend my leisure time in Napa in a diabetic coma.
Here’s the breakfast menu that caught my paleo eye:
Our breakfast menu changes each day.
Our food is high in flavor and texture, but incredibly low in fat.
Hmmm. Here’s a sampling of the “breakfast.”
Cinnamon chip scones. Drop biscuits. Homemade coffee cake. Fruit, fruit, and more fruit. Apple crisp. French toast. Savory bread pudding. Pumpkin muffins. Cranberry orange scones. You get the idea. My teeth are falling out just reading the list.
Additionally, here is a sampling of the B&B’s evening treats:
• Chocolate Amaretto Torte
• Chocolate-covered Almonds
• Feather-light homemade Marshmellows drizzled in Chocolate
• Homemade Chocolate Chunk Brownies
• Belgian Chocolate Truffles
• Creamy Homemade Chocolate Fudge . . . and more!
But note the website carefully addresses its concern for “fat” and advertises lowfat meals. No, excuse me – “incredibly low in fat.” Americans are so uninformed, it is mortifying.
First off, I find it disgusting that somehow in America, dessert has come to = “breakfast.” People are hooked on bread/carbs/sugar for morning meals, and over time this has become “breakfast.” The fact that anyone would want to break a fast with sugar-laden non-foods and chemicals is truly asinine. We are a nation of overfed and undernourished fools ravaging our own bodies, by choice, with toxins that are foreign to our human existence. Serve what you want, but don’t call it breakfast just because that crap food has become the norm for the average obese and diseased American.
So I dared to call the owner and inquire (very nicely) of the food, and any options for the kind of food I may eat in the morning: eggs, any meat, cheese, or veggies. The proprietor was not pleasant because, by asking her about the food, I was challenging her “expertise” on all things lowfat and “healthy.” She was actually behaving like a bitch. The short of our conversation:
Me: Would you be able to include any of those foods [that I mentioned above]?
Her: What kind of food do you need?
Me: I’m not picky, just as long as it is real food.
Her: Like what?
Me: Ummm, something with a lot less carbs/sugars.
Her: YOU MEAN YOU DON’T EAT CARBS??????
Me: Ummm, low carbs, and yes, not those kind of carbs I see on the menu. (Then I repeated the list of food items that was acceptable to me, cooked any way or not at all.)
Her: (After a long, silent spell.) Yes, we can accommodate special needs if we have to…
Well there you go. Special needs. I, a person who declines to make myself fat, diabetic, aged, disgusting, and sickly due to self-destruction via food, am a person of “special needs.” I didn’t need a handicapped bathroom, nor any ramp up to the house. I just asked if real food would be available. She was livid, and it was certain that had I made a reservation, she would have loathed my arrival. So it was a no go. I’ll keep my (real) food high in fat and my body composition low in fat, thank you. Fucking moron.