Dessert is Breakfast

Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Posted in category Food & Nutrition

I am always perplexed at how people are so content to keep up a pattern of distorting words and definitions without a flinch.

I had a surreal conversation recently, after flipping through the website of a Bed & Breakfast proprietor that was quite the piece of work. I placed a call to inquire about reservations at the Old World Inn Bed & Breakfast in Napa, California. I had looked at the description of the B&B’s food menu online and I needed to ask some questions about the overall menu. After all, being in Napa for a few days would demand that I look and feel my absolute best, and that means sticking to my real food diet within my 80/20 rule while staying in California. I don’t want to spend my leisure time in Napa in a diabetic coma.

Here’s the breakfast menu that caught my paleo eye:

Breakfast Menus:

Our breakfast menu changes each day. 
Our food is high in flavor and texture, but incredibly low in fat.

Hmmm. Here’s a sampling of the “breakfast.”

Cinnamon chip scones. Drop biscuits. Homemade coffee cake. Fruit, fruit, and more fruit. Apple crisp. French toast. Savory bread pudding. Pumpkin muffins. Cranberry orange scones. You get the idea. My teeth are falling out just reading the list.

Additionally, here is a sampling of the B&B’s evening treats:

• Chocolate Amaretto Torte
• Chocolate-covered Almonds 
• Feather-light homemade Marshmellows drizzled in Chocolate
• Homemade Chocolate Chunk Brownies
• Belgian Chocolate Truffles
• Creamy Homemade Chocolate Fudge . . . and more!

But note the website carefully addresses its concern for “fat” and advertises lowfat meals. No, excuse me – “incredibly low in fat.” Americans are so uninformed, it is mortifying.

First off, I find it disgusting that somehow in America, dessert has come to = “breakfast.” People are hooked on bread/carbs/sugar for morning meals, and over time this has become “breakfast.” The fact that anyone would want to break a fast with sugar-laden non-foods and chemicals is truly asinine. We are a nation of overfed and undernourished fools ravaging our own bodies, by choice, with toxins that are foreign to our human existence. Serve what you want, but don’t call it breakfast just because that crap food has become the norm for the average obese and diseased American.

So I dared to call the owner and inquire (very nicely) of the food, and any options for the kind of food I may eat in the morning: eggs, any meat, cheese, or veggies. The proprietor was not pleasant because, by asking her about the food, I was challenging her “expertise” on all things lowfat and “healthy.” She was actually behaving like a bitch. The short of our conversation:

Me: Would you be able to include any of those foods [that I mentioned above]?

Her: What kind of food do you need?

Me: I’m not picky, just as long as it is real food.

Her: Like what?

Me: Ummm, something with a lot less carbs/sugars.


Me: Ummm, low carbs, and yes, not those kind of carbs I see on the menu. (Then I repeated the list of food items that was acceptable to me, cooked any way or not at all.)

Her: (After a long, silent spell.) Yes, we can accommodate special needs if we have to…

Well there you go. Special needs. I, a person who declines to make myself fat, diabetic, aged, disgusting, and sickly due to self-destruction via food, am a person of “special needs.” I didn’t need a handicapped bathroom, nor any ramp up to the house. I just asked if real food would be available. She was livid, and it was certain that had I made a reservation, she would have loathed my arrival. So it was a no go. I’ll keep my (real) food high in fat and my body composition low in fat, thank you. Fucking moron.

Me on the beach in Manistee, Michigan in July 2010.

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26 Responses to Dessert is Breakfast

  1. River Rance says:

    September 14th, 2010 at 11:27 pm

    Loved the post…had to retweet still laughing at the “special needs” comment.


  2. Iluvatar says:

    September 14th, 2010 at 11:34 pm


    That last sentence was a classic – and you cussed! Shame! Shame on you!

    Ya know?

    Most people (and these are work colleagues even) don’t get my griping when they buy a lunch for a lunch meeting we’re having?

    I usually bring in my OWN lunch even when these “free” lunches are being offered.

    Know why?

    They are TOTALLY BREAD-CENTRIC, that’s why!

    Very little meat (usually chicken which is a non-dead dinosaur in my book – give me a slightly closer biological vector to me since I am a mammal – DUH!), lot’s of pasta, and lot’s of bread sticks – AND a “salad” that is 90% lettuce (`scuse me fellas, I ain’t no G-D’d rabbit – I want the GOOD stuff!). Or it is pizza! (finger down my throat – GACK!!)

    And in those meetings, I rant about our bread-centric diets, unfurl my lunch, and the inquisition begins.

    “hey what is that? Olives. Hey what is that? Bell peppers and cucumbers. Hey what is that? Spinach and broccoli. Hey what is that? Tomatos. Hey what is that? Those thing-a-ma-bobs are called Garbanzo beans aka chick peas. Hey what is that? Those are called snap peas (I can’t afford “snow peas” they are $5/LB @ Safeway).”

    And on it goes. “And what is that? Oh that’s Edam/Blue Saga/Gouda/Gruyere (when I am rich)/Camembert/Brie cheese. Can I have some? No.”

    “and what is that? Oh that’s a banana”

    But @ 6’1/2″ & 162 LBS, DUDE, I am seeing my TOES (LOL)!!

  3. Iluvatar says:

    September 14th, 2010 at 11:38 pm

    @ Karen

    Saw the photo before. Why the shoulder “roll-forward”?

    Have you considered reading Pete Egoscue’s book on frame alignment?

    Just an FYI – I had a pelvic twist I had to undo as I continue to recover from a busted disc in my back…

  4. Iluvatar says:

    September 15th, 2010 at 1:02 am

    @ Karen

    Sorry – just an ex-Ultimate player that played just below the national level talking here.

    I noticed the “roll-forward”. Generally, most of us athletes ignore it in order not say something “bad”.

    But I was wondering if you had, since you have admitted to some physical distress in your past – until you launched towards the direction of good health.

    Again, just a question – please don’t “flame on – johnny”.

  5. Iluvatar says:

    September 15th, 2010 at 1:19 am

    I forgot to mention that dinner time is all about eating saturated fats from (mainly) beef and some more vegetables – usually frozen peas w/ GOBS of butter added to them (hail the saturated fats!!!!!!).

    I am pumping my body up w/ so many nutrients, enzymes, and (saturated fats) anti-oxidants…

    Dude! How can you get this stuff “rong”?

    And the sight-line to the toes keeps on keeping on… Can you see your toes?

    Then “prends soin de toi”!!! Old French phrase…

  6. Jean Finet says:

    September 15th, 2010 at 2:13 am

    Karen, I clicked on the link you provided to the Old World Inn and scrolled through until I saw a picture of the propriertors – and one picture pretty much says it all about the menu with all the sugary crap. They’re addicted to it and pushing it and they don’t want you to show them up.

  7. liberranter says:

    September 15th, 2010 at 4:18 am

    First off, I find it disgusting that somehow in America, dessert has come to = “breakfast.” People are hooked on bread/carbs/sugar for morning meals, and over time this has become “breakfast.” The fact that anyone would want to break a fast with sugar-laden non-foods and chemicals is truly asinine. We are a nation of overfed and undernourished fools ravaging our own bodies, by choice, with toxins that are foreign to our human existence. Serve what you want, but don’t call it breakfast just because that crap food has become the norm for the average obese and diseased American.

    Ever the incurable cynic, I guess we can look at it this way:

    The average cubicle-dwelling wage slave, trapped in a “job” that demands absolutely no physical or mental exertion whatsoever, needs a morning front load of carbs and sugar to give it that “boost” (length varies, see Surgeon General’s warning) which gives the unit just enough energy to carry it through a “workday” which itself is just long enough to meet its minimum output quota. Any additional energy (a prime derivative of the paleolithic diet) will lead to the onset of critical thought. This, in turn, will lead the wage slave to question its meaningless, treadmill existence, and perhaps even to entrepreneurial efforts. Such cannot, of course, be permitted. Kalifornia, being at the forefront of the “Regime Diet,” most certainly cannot permit any deviation from the processed sugar regimin, which our betters have determined to be the perfect start to the perfectly conformist day.

    So, Karen, I’m glad that you’ve canceled or aborted your trip to Schwarzeneggerland. l cannot think of a state more undeserving of “foreign” revenue than that one.

    (Nice pic, BTW.)

  8. Karen De Coster says:

    September 15th, 2010 at 6:04 am

    Liber – cancel my trip?? Heck no!

  9. Karen De Coster says:

    September 15th, 2010 at 6:06 am

    Uhh, “roll-forward”? You got to be kidding, right? Iluvatar, please don’t tell me that one spontaneous photo can somehow give you insight into the history of my life ….

  10. clark says:

    September 15th, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    Funny post.

    I used to sometimes think there was something wrong with me because I didn’t want those sweet type of foods for breakfast. All too often I’d rather skip breakfast than eat that stuff. A trip through a drive-thru fast food restaurant wasn’t the cure either, even though the food “looked” like what I craved.

    I am so glad you posted all this paleo diet stuff the way you have. Other than myself, I know of at least one person who has benefited greatly from what you’ve done. Thanks, once again.

  11. Alex says:

    September 15th, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    OZ Voice: “Pop tarts, muffins, and scones…Oh My!!” (lol)

    Until I got into the Paleo diet after reading your posts, I had always wondered why I wasn’t a “breakfast person,” as they say. I guess subconsciously I knew that it was unwise to load up on a bunch of dead carbs so soon after waking. I never understood the logic of putting in a body that is trying to shake off sleep and fatique with foods guaranteed to put you right back in a sugar coma.

    Out of fairness, that Bed N Breakfast is just following the “normal way” of 95 percent of our country’s pre-Noon gastronomic choices in offering “Cinnamon chip scones. Drop biscuits. Homemade coffee cake. Fruit, fruit, and more fruit. Apple crisp. French toast. Savory bread pudding. Pumpkin muffins. Cranberry orange scones. ” That menu can be found at Panera Bread, Starbucks, IHOP, Tim Hortons, and a gazillion other places. I don’t eat out a lot, especially breakfast or “brunch,” but when I do, I usually go to Hometown Buffet, which offers a full SALAD BAR of vegetables and meat for breakfast in addition to the usual dead carb crap that most folk demand.

    In the military, we used to say people who ate that kind of morning diet and properly fit into their uniforms as having “government-issued asses.” I guess we can say the typical American has a “Cinnabutt.” (lol)

    I think you’ll enjoy this, Karen, in light of the topic

  12. Alex says:

    September 15th, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    Oops, I meant to write “people who ate that kind of morning diet and IMproperly fit into their uniforms.”

    If you can eat that kind of crap for breakfast without a spread-eagle ass you’re either genetically an extreme ectomorph or a diabetic that’s been on insulin for some time.

  13. Elisabeth says:

    September 15th, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    Well, thank goodness you have guts! If you hadn’t made that call, this piece would have been far less interesting. I usually don’t bother to inquire about food, because I know the answer. Really, the website screams high sugar, low fat, and fat people.

  14. Iluvatar says:

    September 15th, 2010 at 10:58 pm

    @ KDC:

    No I wasn’t kidding – but if you read my comments closely, you would have seen that it was an interogative, NOT a declaritive statement.

    And you are right, a photo does NOT give the insight into a person’s life – and that is why I asked the question about the “roll-forward”.

    Geeze-Louise – we ALL get that you are an incredibly handsome woman – C’MON man! But that is not the point.

    And you are right about having an insight into the totatility of a human’s life on the basis of a photo. If I’d done the same, I’d be pretty frothy as well.

    So be cool for a moment.

    All I was asking was if you had a “roll-forward” issue – the same kind of issue I HAVE when I finish up my interval work-outs and am considering whether or not to “huck my lung” or not. Then, I usually place my hands on my hips and my shoulders “roll forwards”.

    The real issue is (was w/ me, since I suffered a pelvic “twist”, along w/ a blown-out back) was whether or not you had suffered an injury when you were younger or not.

    For Pete’s sake! I sure hope you got the intent of my message better!

  15. Karen De Coster says:

    September 16th, 2010 at 7:08 am

    “spread eagle” ass? LoL. I’ve always called it the flat-box ass. People (mostly women) have these wide, flat, unshapely asses shaped like a square. Ewe.

  16. Warren says:

    September 16th, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    Karen, nice post, especially the last line. If you get the chance to visit Ireland you’ll find a better class of B&B. The Irish love a full breakfast, so long as it has sausages, black and white pudding, bacon, eggs and grilled tomato. Then they might think about some soda bread to help it down, followed by tea of coffee. There is always porridge/cereal etc and fruit available, but after 5 years living there I never bothered going past the grill.

  17. Alex says:

    September 16th, 2010 at 10:53 pm

    I had to look up black and white pudding, Warren. Interesting. I know Jack LaLanne incorporated cattle blood into his diet when he started body building, based upon the livestock blood/fibrin diet of the African Masai. With such a meaty breakfast menu, think I’m going to enjoy that future trip to Ireland I’ve been planning!
    As much as the food Nazis whine about McDonalds, at least it offers meat products that can occasionally be consumed (if you’re in a pinch) if one throws away the bread components. Yet Starbucks and Panera Bread, with their grain and sugar-heavy fare are far more deadly than the erstwhile meat munching at a McDs (which is not optimal, but at least some animal flesh is involved).
    “Flat box ass”? As for The unshapely backsides of many people (rampant in my corporate environment)  I’m reminded of the words of a Cajun friend of mine who, when seeing sloppy, fat folk walking away would exclaim, “Dat butt luke lak two hogs in a burlap sack fightin’ ova a milk dud…” lol

  18. Iluvatar says:

    September 16th, 2010 at 11:50 pm


    If you MUST travel to Napa Valley then please understand that the “good” food availibility is going to be pretty LOW.

    Those idiots are in the same league as most of Coastal California (from San Francisco on down to San Diego).

    Please set your expectations accordingly.

    I was born down in the Southland – High Desert area (Victorville), then lived there again in Torrance (near El Segundo) in LA, then, as a young couple, we lived in South San Francisco Bay in Cupertino.

    I found in the latter instance a paucity of good food from `87-`92.

    The food there (beef, which is what I wanted to feast upon), basically STUNK (ok, I would cuss here – but I won’t).

    It took me 2 YRS to find a good burger joint – and it wasn’t that good.

    Try to get a nice piece of Filet Mignon replete w/ a nice Bearnaise sauce??

    Good luck!!!

    Those turd-stools were all into chicken (a non-extinct) dinosaur and their PASTA!

    So I am not surprised by the idiocy of your recent endeavor! Not one gosh-darned bit (still haven’t cussed yet!)!

    You have got to realize that Coastal Californians are ALL about a “lifestyle” versus a LIFE.

    They are so into their BMW’s and their “work-outs” but EAT the WORST food in the world! And they look the look too!

    I was such an outsider when I lived there…

    Here’s a story: We went to the “Top of the Mark” in San Francisco. I ordered a Filet Mignon w/ Bearnaise sauce (my FAVORITE meal of ALL time).

    Guess what?

    $300 later, the only thing I remember was that the Chateau Du Neuf De Pape tasted pretty good!!!!

    But that was the wine!

    The Filet was toast! GAH!

    Dude! Talk about a rangy piece of meat! Hey, man! We’re talking Filet here WTF!?!?!?

    If you have to travel out there, my recommendation is to get your normal food @ Denny’s. They got eggs, bacon, sausage, and you can even craft your own salad.

    Just make sure you go there before 8PM. After that, it becomes a gay hang-out (fine, if you are OK w/ that).

    For good meat? Sorry, I can’t recommend anyplace – this AINT Denver hoss!

    But for fish, crabs, hit the Fisherman’s Wharf – they got some good stuff there.

    They just AINT got anything a poor Ohio corned-fed beef person would truly enjoy.

    Set your expectations…

  19. Moriarty says:

    September 17th, 2010 at 1:58 am

    I’m a physician and I often advocate a paleo diet/lifestyle for my dysmetabolic and diabetic patients. Some patients simply won’t comply and I’ve come to accept that they would rather take hypoglycemics and statins than move away from a diet heavy on grains and sugars, topped with high-fructose corn sweetener. (Try telling a dyslipidemic Type 2 diabetic patient that they really don’t need to have oatmeal every morning and “whole wheat” bread with lunch and dinner… or that an occasional skipped meal or an egg won’t hurt them.)

    For those who have adopted a paleo lifestyle, I’ve seen what I need to see, in the context of my practice: LDLs and triglycerides decrease, HDLs increase, truncal obesity diminishes and postprandial glucose and insulin stablize. In short, most of the indexes I use to assess cardiovascular and diabetes risk tend to optimize.

    I have an unfair advantage when I discuss these things. My wife has Type 1 diabetes and uses an insulin pump/glucose sensor system. She knows within a tenth of a unit what her insulin utilization is throughout the day and she can measure demand very accurately. To put it simply, paleo does a remarkable job of stabilizing her blood glucose (much of the concern over diabetic complication risk has now shifted to fluctuating, rather than mean glucose), kept her lean body mass lean and maintained her lipid profile without resorting to statins.

    Looking at the bloated faces and girth of the owners the bed and breakfast, you can almost sense the glucose intolerance, TNF-alpha and puny HDLs right through the monitor. Yet, somehow you’re the one with “special needs”?


  20. Karen De Coster says:

    September 17th, 2010 at 9:55 pm

    “Starbucks and Panera Bread” Carb City 1 and Carb City 2……. imagine being satiated on scones?

  21. Brandon says:

    September 18th, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    i can’t believe no one commented on Karen’s nice well toned legs.  Karen you have great looking legs and a fine athletic body. Go Karen! 

  22. Julie-Ann says:

    September 19th, 2010 at 5:52 pm

    Of topic a bit; had a “celebration” of some sort at work and they brought in one of your favorite bubble businesses. Cold Stone Creamery. It could only have been better if they Cold Stone employees serving us the slop had been wearing Crocs.

  23. M. Terry says:

    September 19th, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    No worries, folks. These healthy breakfast foods are infused with “corn sugar” – the FDA’s approved new term for corn syrup – that healthy, nutritious, sweet extract of the God’s own natural corn plant.

    What could be healthier than THAT?

    So – eat those crunchy uber sweet breakfast cereals with a big ole helpin of extra corn sugar. If the scales break it’s not God’s (or the FDAs) fault. Egads…

  24. M. Terry says:

    September 22nd, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Brandon – Karen has always has world-class gams. And, as I recall, great posture. No shoulder roll, Iluvator.

    BTW – Maybe the woman on the phone said “special knees”…

  25. Karen De Coster says:

    September 22nd, 2010 at 9:04 pm

    I am lost on that “shoulder roll” comment he made…..huh? But I _did_ have 3 shoulder surgeries……

  26. Iluvatar says:

    September 23rd, 2010 at 12:53 am

    1) @ Karen & M Terry: OK severely red in the face on this one & I apologize for its awkwardness and for it being so badly communicated. First, let me point out that I was speaking from a “jock” perspective since I used to be one.

    2) When I saw the photo, 3 questions came to my mind:

    a. Hey is she rolling the shoulders forward for a “jock” pose? This is the pose that I have done in all my team photos as a coach (tackle football, flag football, Ultimate, soccer, etc.). I either have my hands behind my back or on my hips and then I roll my shoulders “forward”. As if I were really “fit” (grinning). If you don’t believe me, I can e-mail the photos. But, I sure have to say, I like the “look”. Makes you look the ‘thlete.

    b. Hey did she just finish a 50-miler on her racer (gripping the lower handle bars)? I was thinking of my biking experiences. When I grabbed the lower bar, my shoulders rolled forward. Bad thing? I suffered severe lower back tightness when I dismounted! Took me 15 minutes to straighten up to an erect position (I have even worse stories to tell). And that was after a simple 20-miler. I haven’t biked in a long time…

    c. Lastly, was a concern issue. Had you a previous physical distress that led to that? In that case, I was exhibiting genuine concern.

    3) So I hope that unravels that. And, oh btw, M Terry, yep, them are some good lookin’ gams. But I still liked the jock look. I am no fan of book-balancing posture purists, jocks “do it” differently…

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