Concentration Camps for Blondes: A Play-By-Play

Monday, February 27, 2006
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Lew Rockwell had posted this item from Slate on his website under the title “approved bigotry.” Admittedly, I wondered at bit at the title when someone pointed it out to me, and I clicked on it. But then I couldn’t believe the nature of the filth therein. Lew’s description was dead-on. This video story is so swinish and pestiferous that it’s shocking. That the word “Aryan”–which denotes certain things unseemly–was used is a clear indication of the author’s intentions.

It starts out referring to the bevy of blonde TV babes as “the Aryan Sisterhood.” As a God-given blonde, I’ve always chuckled at the fact that TV women all join the fake blonde parade, but whatever. It’s a look, and it’s their preference. In fact, I am flattered. Jack Shafer of Slate has put together a shocking display of bigotry and jealousy. Says he, the Nazi-like writer of the Slate piece:

Halos of honeydew yellow, strident gold, and silver birch radiate on the morning news shows, the afternoon gab slots, the business news on CNBC, prime time, and the overnight newsreader desks.

…Fashionably black-rooted like CNN’s Paula Zahn, framed in a head scarf like Fox’s Amy Kellogg, or peering out of a glistening hair doughnut like MSNBC’s Alex Witt, the blond broadcasters dominate the airwaves in numbers far beyond their proportions in the population. Joanna Pitman estimates in On Blondes that only one in 20 white adult Americans is a genuine blond, yet one in three adult American females has the look. If you do the math, it’s clear that many female newscasters lie about their true hair color every time they appear on television.

Why is it news that these women dye their hair? Hello? What planet is Shafer living on? That news is as untrodden as the footpath to a brothel’s back door. So women dye their hair; what’s the point? And no, they don’t lie about it, they just do it. He continues…

Lest you think I exaggerate the bogus-blonde glut, I recommend a visit to TVheads.com. The Web site maintains an archive of 50,000 newscaster images collected by volunteers during the last three years. TVheads.com breaks out newscasters by network and by sex, and by my definition of blond, at least 60 percent of the females qualify. Anthropologist Grant McCracken advanced the idea of a “blondness periodic table” in his 1995 book Big Hair: A Journey Into the Transformation of Self. Sort the newscasters on TVheads.com’s pages into McCracken’s six categories yourself, as I have: “bombshell blonde” (Fox’s Laurie Dhue); “sunny blonde” (Katie Couric); “brassy blonde” (Fox’s E.D. Hill); “dangerous blonde” (CNN’s Nancy Grace); “society blonde” (Fox’s Janice Dean); and the “cool blonde” (CNN’s Lou Dobbs).

Then along comes a smack of Great Van Susteren (I am no fan of hers): “women from Baroness Maggie Thatcher to Fox’s Greta Van Susteren hit the bottle. In Van Susteren’s case, her colorist got a little help from her plastic surgeon.” So now, we have the attack on women in general: don’t take care of yourself, and how dare you try to maintain a youthful appearance. Greta is very naturally unattractive, however, her painstaking personal maintenance habits make her actually tend toward good looks. A crime. Thus we continue down the path of hostility…

I imagine that at one point in her life, the 60-year-old Diane Sawyer of ABC News was an honest blonde, but is there any middle-aged woman alive whose hair naturally looks like this? A relatively late arrival to the blond gang is NBC’s Andrea Mitchell, 59, who looks like an Earl Scheib paint and body shop hosed her hair down with a gallon of Gold Leaf Metallic Clearcoat.

Andrea Mitchell, of course, is beautiful. At her advanced “middle age,” this woman is committing the crime of the century. Why can’t she just get fat, wear a potato sack, bake cookies, and clean mildew from the ceramic tile for hubby Greenspan? Next he attacks NBC’s Campbell Brown:

What doesn’t she have that Diane Sawyer, Katie Couric, Paula Zahn, and a host of other successful newscasters have? How long can she possibly hold out? Brown seems to know that to be blonded is to be sweetened for consumption, and if she were to take that step, which flavor would she choose? Vanilla Cr

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