Boobus Americanus FoodHabitus Infantilus

Sunday, December 27, 2009
Posted in category Food & Nutrition

Time to air out a pet peeve here. Without getting into the whole of disgusting American eating habits, I am going to bring up two of the most juvenile eating habits I can think of, at the moment, that are shared by millions of Americans. Number one: the infantile (adult) infatuation with McDonald’s. Adults hovering over McDonald’s like it is gourmet dining. Not only is it a proletariat compulsion, but we are talking about some of the most garbage-y shit food on the planet. Every time I ever pass a McDonald’s, the smell is disgusting, even in the winter when my windows are rolled up: phony, processed meat, and greasy, deep-fired everything. Yet all McDonald’s are always busy, from morning ’til night. Nowhere are they more crowded than in the hood that I drive through each day to and from work. Cars pouring in and out all day long. At breakfast time, these places are crowded with seniors galore, and at dinner time it is whole families going out for McDonald’s, as if it is a special treat.

Occasionally, I have to go into a McDonald’s, and I purposely take in the scene. I’ve traveled a lot this year, leading me to McDonald’s quite a few times, where I use the potty and get their unsweetened ice tea or a McCafe coffee when I need something to drink. Food? Not. Occasionally, when desperate while traveling, with little to no choices in rural areas, I would settle for a breakfast burrito off the dollar menu. I see the most skanky people inside any McDonald’s restaurant. Almost everyone is fat (or puffy and inflamed), slovenly, and dressed like vagabonds. I stopped going in those disgusting places altogether this fall. I find it nauseating that people obsess on going to McDonald’s to eat. “Get a life” is my thought on the matter.

Habit #2 is a total reflection on the state of (obese and out-of-shape) Americans today – huge beverages. Everywhere I go there are adults walking around – in retail stores, grocery stores, parking lots, in cars, at outdoor events, etc., etc., etc. – carrying these huge-ass wax cups full of a sugar beverage (usually pop). These cups get larger and larger and larger, and everybody now serves 12,000-oz. beverages. Everywhere you go, the beverages are humongous. The cups cannot be held by a small hand such as mine, so people, I note, grasp onto them tightly with two hands. And they stick their lips onto the straw while they walk, sucking the high-fructose fat crap right into their brains. They can’t go anywhere without pop in their hands. (No, it’s not “soda” here in Michigan; we call it “pop”.) This is what I see people carrying around with them, cradling it like a baby.

big-gulp2

How many ounces is that dang cup? My point – besides the predictable health issues – is that people look like childish bozos carrying these huge, frickin’ cups around, sticking their fat face into a straw while they walk, move, or otherwise breathe. My internal response is this: f___ing grow up. The photo below is not too far from the stomach-churning truth.

biggulp

What’s even more nauseating is how people (adults) think it is funny to overeat, over-drink, and otherwise use food to help them along with their personal clown act. It’s one big joke to buy the biggest pop on the planet and walk around with it. The size issue is actually an infatuation as well as a fashion. It’s fashionable and cool – among the food retards – to be seen with gargantuan beverages. Some fashions I just can’t seem to dig.

Only very occasionally – maybe once a month or less – do I want to drink a diet Vernors or Coke (or Faygo pop), in spite of the brain killing aspartame. It’s become impossible to buy normal beverage sizes anymore. Cans of ice tea are larger than my whole torso, and pop is now presented in 24 oz. bottles at the grocery store. I have to pay 3x as much to get an 8 oz. bottle of diet coke (in an 8-pack) or a 16 oz. diet Vernors. But 99.9% of the time I’ll stick to my carbon-footprint growing Fiji water in the small bottles that don’t require a hand truck to carry them.

For those of you offended by the above post – tough. And Merry Christmas! I hope you didn’t get a Big Gulp in your stocking. Coal would be preferable … and more valuable.


big-gulp

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19 Responses to Boobus Americanus FoodHabitus Infantilus

  1. Robin says:

    December 27th, 2009 at 7:56 pm

    This is the best rip on McDonald’s I’ve seen since the piece on the Maddox web site: (http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=lovin_it). In response to company senior veep Bill Lamar’s promise to “rekindle the emotional bond our customers have with McDonalds”, Maddox writes:

    “Anyone who has an emotional bond with McDonald’s, or anyone who can relate anything they love about life to a company that sells deep fried processed chicken meat should be stabbed in the face. The only bond this campaign is rekindling is that of my ass to the toilet. I’d rather have my skin sand blasted off than eat another pig rectum sandwich from McDonald’s.”

  2. Karen De Coster says:

    December 27th, 2009 at 8:11 pm

    “emotional bond?” good god – that is exactly what I am talking about. juvenile bullshit.

  3. miles says:

    December 27th, 2009 at 8:14 pm

    Karen,
    The jungle gyms in the front of McDonald’s resturaunts everywhere (usually indoors in my part of the country) were a stroke of sheer genius by their marketing department. Kids want to go there to play on the equipment (who can blame them, they assuredly are great fun) and adults settle down to eat there, because they “are here anyway”.

    Coca-Cola, which is the beverage of choice at McDonalds, is a large part of why people eat so much there. It provides a 1)sugar rush, 2)has High Fructose Corn Syrup, which suppresses the signal from your stomach to your brain that tells you that your tummy is full and to stop eating, 3) has lots of caffeine with is an addictive stimulant and 4)caffeine is a diuretic, which gets you to urinate it all out fairly quickly so you feel thirsty again, and want another shot of that addictive caffeine right about the time the sugar rush wears off.

    See the genius in this? The salads at McDonalds, and the *Grilled* chicken sandwiches (if you dont eat the bun) are about the only plausibly healthy alternatives to be had there, if you order a diet coke to drink with them. Several people have told me that McDonalds coffee tastes better than Starbucks coffee, but Im fairly certain this is due to mucho sweetener within. I stand by my assertion about those jungle gyms, they were genius. Many McDonalds in my area also have Redbox DVD machines posted outside also, yet another draw to the store. The psychological effect of having happy kids around (the jungle gyms) is probably a subtle inducement for the adults to go there also, as a happy environment is better than a stale one, even if the food is quite unhealthy.

  4. cousin lucky says:

    December 27th, 2009 at 9:35 pm

    Fast Food =s Dumb People!! There are children in this country that eat at McDonald’s or Wendy’s or White Castle or Burger King Every Single Day!!

    There are people in this country that can not drink plain water!! They are addicted to Chemicals and ” processed food “!! Is it any wonder that every year the masses of American Idiots Just grows Larger and Dumber!! You Betcha!!!

  5. Michael says:

    December 27th, 2009 at 9:38 pm

    I think there are about 27 people that drink Fiji brand water (and yes, I’ll admit, I occasionally buy them too).

    I don’t share the same socio-apathy for people that drink 1 gallon sodas from the Golden Arches although I find anything larger than a medium-sized drink to be excessive. My pet peeve has got to be the dolts that wear iPods that turn into insta-zombies. Those white-colored headphone wires can be found on every other person’s neck nowadays. And they’ll walk into your path, they’ll step right off the curb and into your bumper, and are seemingly mindless.

  6. Pam Maltzman says:

    December 28th, 2009 at 6:38 am

    I’m not so much bothered by the people who eat too much. The habit I absolutely cannot stomach is GUM CHEWING. Especially with open mouth, whether or not the chewer is actively popping it or cracking it. When I was a kid, my father would take us on a drive somewhere. We’d all get sardined into the car, and he and one of my sisters would pull out the gum and proceed to stuff their mouths with it. Disgusting! For decades I haven’t been able to stand the sight, sound, or the stench of gum chewing. I hate-hate-hate public transportation of any kind. Didn’t anyone tell these clowns to chew with their mouths closed? All those gross wet smacking/slurping/shlomping/squishy sounds. Yecch! I do medical transcription for a living, and some doctors (supposedly high-class professionals) sit there and smack their way through dictations–some of them in excess of 20 minutes. Oh, yeah, and sucking on hard candies and cough drops, and crunching raw vegetables, is nearly as bad. Further, some doctors actually dictate in the bathroom, and some lucky-not transcriptionists get treated to the sounds of farts, urination, plop-plop, and even flushing toilets.

  7. Robin says:

    December 28th, 2009 at 8:29 am

    The widespread junk food addiction is certainly childish in that it manifests the salient vice of the juvenile mind: impatience. Preparing nutritious, tasty meals requires time and effort. People who’ve been pampered and mass conditioned into high time preference can’t abide this, and so leave it to Mommy, or a substitute mommy, to feed them. To make matters worse, we’ve had two generations of mothers (now going on three) in the full-time work force. They have less time and energy for cooking than their forebears, and all too often, their own mothers never developed basic culinary skills to pass on to the next generation.

    Thankfully, the same free market that produced McDonald’s has also given us the Food Network, which does a good job in motivating and teaching people how to prepare meals with a wide variety of healthy ingredients.

  8. liberranter says:

    December 28th, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    Worse –INFINITELY worse– than the disgusting excuse for food served in these commercial fattening pens is the execrable “service”, if you can call it that, provided by their acerebral employees. I swear, I’ve defecated more intelligent substances than the pathetic, illiterate high school dropouts with attitudes as expansive as the national debt that staff “fast food” restaurants. When I have to take fifteen minutes to explain to one of these oxygen-thieving imbeciles why I gave them a ten-dollar bill, a dime, a nickle, and three pennies for a $6.18 purchase, all the while a line of irate morons forming behind me who would no doubt also be flummoxed by my explanation, it’s obvious that what little of our civilization remains won’t long survive. Like you, I only venture into these slop pens when no other alternative exists, which fortunately is a very rare occurrence. As far as I’m concerned, McDonald’s and the McDumbshits who are their regular patrons fully deserve each other. Fortunately, once the dollar implodes the McDumbshit masses won’t be able to afford their daily lard, sugar, and caffeine fixes anymore.

  9. miles says:

    December 28th, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    Robin,
    You excerpted Senior Vice President of McDonald’s Bill Lamar’s noting of the following: ” senior veep Bill Lamar’s promise to “rekindle the emotional bond our customers have with McDonalds”. Robin, Thats precisely the kind of psychological marketing I was clumsily trying to describe above concerning the jungle gyms at McDonalds. Many of us as kids played on those things with our siblings or other children there. So we have happy childhood memories of the equipment, and probably deeply psychological imprinted reflections of those first sugar/caffeine rushes we experienced while playing on them. Being a tyke on those towering kiddie-wonderland-panorma of monkey-bars-and-colors is probably also associated when one’s family was still intact (before the divorces that at least a third of our parents eventually had) and when we were still a fawned-over child. Is it any wonder that people bring their own kids back to a place that they associate “happy childhood memories” with? Ever had a longing to go “back” to a state fair as an adult, and end up being mucho dissapointed that its really kind of a let-down and not the carnivalesque atmosphere you remembered from childhood? Corporations oft employ marketing strategists with backgrounds in psychology to imprint demand on these emotive and deeply personal levels. I’ll never forget some advice a sociology professor (whom I despised) tried to give our class many years ago back in college (the only thing that guy was right about), he said if you want to make a lot of money, “get two degrees, one in marketing and one in psychology”. The chemical-laden fair at McDonalds and the very carefully-cultivated environment of their resturaunts (all that landscaping and fussy hedgetrimming of the outer facade, and the enormous golden arches are no mistake) is a psycho-emotional pull the the PHOOD-addicted who associates those chemical rushes, and their childhood past with refuelling their addictions at the drive-thru. They know what they are doing in my opinion.

  10. Karen De Coster says:

    December 28th, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    Ha! Great post, Liberranter….

  11. Karen De Coster says:

    December 28th, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    I can’t watch TV much, but if I do, I check out FN – they have some great stuff on there.

  12. Shannon says:

    December 28th, 2009 at 7:51 pm

    I agree, that once the dollar is done there will be no dollar menu to get a quick fix from. These foods are addictive, and laced with all kinds of chemicals to have people coming back for me. Besides the occasional cup of coffee and rarely, a sandwich-I don’t make it a habit to eat there. I was often rewarded with a happy meal as a child, for being good at the dentist, etc. While I don’t feel my folks did it out of bad intentions, I don’t think a child should be rewarded with junk food, even if the happy meal toys, PlayMobil, etc. were cool back in those days. Better to reward with things that grow the mind and not the waist.

  13. John Gillis says:

    December 29th, 2009 at 7:14 am

    I always thought the aroma from a Micky D’s exhaust vent was tantalizing…but the food godawful tasteless. To give credit where it’s due, their mud isn’t bad…I get the geezer discount…but I don’t trust the ersatz stuff they call half-and-half. Low primitives walking city streets eating out of a McDonald’s bag is a truly disgusting sight.

  14. Mark D says:

    December 29th, 2009 at 9:59 am

    Seeing those huge pops makes me want to blow chunks…. Thanks for putting me on the paleo diet through the links in your always interesting posts Karen

  15. MoT says:

    December 29th, 2009 at 12:30 pm

    The geniuses in marketing do know their audience. You do have to be on the defensive whenever you order anything because they’ll try and hook you with a “larger” size. It’s almost assumed. Anyone ever watch “Super size me” or “Fast food nation”?

  16. Michael says:

    December 29th, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    @liberranter –

    That sums up my last experience at McDonald’s! (Different purchase price though). ;)

  17. david says:

    December 30th, 2009 at 5:02 pm

    I’ve heard one super-large size drink is called the “bladder buster”. I assume that’s marketing genius, or what passes for it with the 20-something crowd. Everywhere I go, I just can’t believe the overweight and out-of-shape condition of young people. The baggy look fad is perfect for their physical condition–like mu-mus for heavy women (Mama Cass!) back in the ’70′s. Except there are so many more of them now. A lot of these young men (I’m a guy, so I’ll comment on the men) look like they could do a whole lot better physically. Many are tall with really good frames. There seems to be no real reason they’re so sloppy and overweight, except, well,–except the world they live in. They fit right in. “In My Day”(smile), they wouldn’t have.

  18. Matt says:

    December 31st, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    Check out this link: http://flukybard.livejournal.com/4046.html
    – a humorous experiment but it does show that food from McDonald’s (or any fast food joint) is un-natural. Since I stopped eating fast food, I have lost lots of weight without even having to exercise! Now if I could only beat my on-and-off sugar addiction…

  19. Paul says:

    April 7th, 2013 at 9:25 pm

    Make these people you despise pay for their own healthcare – all of it.  Then there will be far fewer of them, having either died, or decided to take care of themselves since they can’t afford the diabetes medication.

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