Boobus Americanus FoodHabitus InfantilusSunday, December 27, 2009
Time to air out a pet peeve here. Without getting into the whole of disgusting American eating habits, I am going to bring up two of the most juvenile eating habits I can think of, at the moment, that are shared by millions of Americans. Number one: the infantile (adult) infatuation with McDonald’s. Adults hovering over McDonald’s like it is gourmet dining. Not only is it a proletariat compulsion, but we are talking about some of the most garbage-y shit food on the planet. Every time I ever pass a McDonald’s, the smell is disgusting, even in the winter when my windows are rolled up: phony, processed meat, and greasy, deep-fired everything. Yet all McDonald’s are always busy, from morning ’til night. Nowhere are they more crowded than in the hood that I drive through each day to and from work. Cars pouring in and out all day long. At breakfast time, these places are crowded with seniors galore, and at dinner time it is whole families going out for McDonald’s, as if it is a special treat.
Occasionally, I have to go into a McDonald’s, and I purposely take in the scene. I’ve traveled a lot this year, leading me to McDonald’s quite a few times, where I use the potty and get their unsweetened ice tea or a McCafe coffee when I need something to drink. Food? Not. Occasionally, when desperate while traveling, with little to no choices in rural areas, I would settle for a breakfast burrito off the dollar menu. I see the most skanky people inside any McDonald’s restaurant. Almost everyone is fat (or puffy and inflamed), slovenly, and dressed like vagabonds. I stopped going in those disgusting places altogether this fall. I find it nauseating that people obsess on going to McDonald’s to eat. “Get a life” is my thought on the matter.
Habit #2 is a total reflection on the state of (obese and out-of-shape) Americans today – huge beverages. Everywhere I go there are adults walking around – in retail stores, grocery stores, parking lots, in cars, at outdoor events, etc., etc., etc. – carrying these huge-ass wax cups full of a sugar beverage (usually pop). These cups get larger and larger and larger, and everybody now serves 12,000-oz. beverages. Everywhere you go, the beverages are humongous. The cups cannot be held by a small hand such as mine, so people, I note, grasp onto them tightly with two hands. And they stick their lips onto the straw while they walk, sucking the high-fructose fat crap right into their brains. They can’t go anywhere without pop in their hands. (No, it’s not “soda” here in Michigan; we call it “pop”.) This is what I see people carrying around with them, cradling it like a baby.
How many ounces is that dang cup? My point – besides the predictable health issues – is that people look like childish bozos carrying these huge, frickin’ cups around, sticking their fat face into a straw while they walk, move, or otherwise breathe. My internal response is this: f___ing grow up. The photo below is not too far from the stomach-churning truth.
What’s even more nauseating is how people (adults) think it is funny to overeat, over-drink, and otherwise use food to help them along with their personal clown act. It’s one big joke to buy the biggest pop on the planet and walk around with it. The size issue is actually an infatuation as well as a fashion. It’s fashionable and cool – among the food retards – to be seen with gargantuan beverages. Some fashions I just can’t seem to dig.
Only very occasionally – maybe once a month or less – do I want to drink a diet Vernors or Coke (or Faygo pop), in spite of the brain killing aspartame. It’s become impossible to buy normal beverage sizes anymore. Cans of ice tea are larger than my whole torso, and pop is now presented in 24 oz. bottles at the grocery store. I have to pay 3x as much to get an 8 oz. bottle of diet coke (in an 8-pack) or a 16 oz. diet Vernors. But 99.9% of the time I’ll stick to my carbon-footprint growing Fiji water in the small bottles that don’t require a hand truck to carry them.
For those of you offended by the above post – tough. And Merry Christmas! I hope you didn’t get a Big Gulp in your stocking. Coal would be preferable … and more valuable.