Anti-Gun Groups Call for Ban on Crown Molding

Saturday, October 29, 2005
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Good satire: The anti-crown molding people are at it again.

An arrest was made today in the tragic death of the wife of famed attorney, Daniel Horowitz. A sixteen-year-old boy was arrested, and it was disclosed that the boy used crown molding to beat Horowitz’s wife to death. Anti-gun groups and Democrat politicians immediately pointed to the extreme dangers of crown molding and called upon President Bush to ban all crown molding.

“This clearly shows that the president has been asleep at the wheel by allowing crown molding to proliferate around the country and cause countless tragic deaths,” said Hillary Clinton. “No state currently requires background checks or has an age limitation for the purchase of crown molding. There is no valid reason why anyone would have a need to own crown molding. Other countries don’t use crown molding. We’re barbaric and backwards here in America when it comes to crown molding.”

The NCMA (National Crown Molding Association) immediately issued a one-sentence press release: “Crown molding doesn’t kill people, socialized medicine does.” The NCMA plans to file a lawsuit in federal court should the government attempt to curtail the rights of law-abiding crown molding owners.

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