Americanus Helpless NeuroticusThursday, April 19, 2012
An old-but-new scheme has landed upon the shores of the American Diet Wasteland: the feeding-tube-up-your-nose, drop-weight-quick weight loss plan for women who want to fool themselves for the one very expensive day of their life. A reader, Bill, writes me to say:
Here’s the latest for those neurotic brides-to-be out there: the K-E Diet. As unbelievable as it sounds the K-E Diet consists of a feeding tube that runs through the nose to the stomach which provides a slow drip of 800 zero carb calories a day. Side effects? Bad breath, constipation, public acknowledgement of one’s lack of self-esteem, lack of willpower and ignorance of preparing and eating real, non-processed food.
It’s a truth is stranger than fiction situation. I imagine this could be a Beta test for what the PTB have in mind for all the serfs. “Soylent Green ” is passé, this is a dystopia where no one can grow food anymore and gov’t centers distribute liquid food bags to the populace and everyone has a tube in their nose and they stink.
It’s funny, yet pathetic, how the high-strung woman in the video notes that she prefers the degradation of the feeding tube because she “doesn’t have time to work out an hour and a half per day every day.” 1.5 hours per day? For…? Unfortunately, mainstream magazine and TV trash, along with the governmentized, mainstream fitness industry, has indoctrinated people with the notion that one needs to do more to be in better shape. Accordingly, ignorant, whining individuals then exacerbate those claims in their own mind so they have the ultimate excuse for the opt out.
Post-marriage, these soon-to-be wives can only hope that Stouffer’s or Banquet can manage to reinvent the frozen, microwave meal for the feeding tube set. Then we can all make the claim that we have no time to cook, and we can walk around the mall all weekend with the whole family feeding on the run on easy-drip processed foods in between Cinnabons and Auntie Ann’s pretzels. Or, I can see the drive-thru attendant at a future McDonald’s: “Miss, would you like a feeding tube to slow-drip your Chicken McNuggets?”